Vandalism of Words - Book Review

An amusing book about everything and nothing at the same time, July 20, 2011

By 

Yarns and Musings (New Jersey) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Vandalism of Words (Kindle Edition)

I found this as a free Kindle download and decided to read it a month later because the author himself said "What Is This Book About? Great question. The answer is so splendidly simple. This book is about anything, everything and nothing. It is an ideal companion on a bus or train where regular interruptions are guaranteed as every part of this book is very, very short. Ideal also for parents of young children who get interrupted a lot by screaming, crying and toilet training. Great too for those with a limited attention span" and I needed something because my attention span has been short and I didn't want to delve into anything too deep.

Terrific read, no rhyme or reason to his thought processes on any given day, much like I usually feel. Each "chapter" was an amusing excerpt from his blog and I read through it quickly, picking it up here and there. Great sense of humor, interesting commentary on everyday things some of us never would have thought about or if we had, we never gave them another thought, but he did and put it in print.

I liked his writing style so much, I went back and bought one of his books and plan to buy a few more of them.

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Vandalism Of Words - Book Review

Reviewed by C.C.Cole
Review of Vandalism of Words (Kindle)

“Vandalism of Words” by Derek Haines reads like a collection of opinion columns by Derek on many things we experience in our everyday lives. He’s cynical, but carries his message with humor and clarity. I found it interesting that an Australian living in Switzerland has so much in common with others living a hemisphere away. He addresses everything to politics to usual family living acknowledging the imperfections of the world but at the same time not taking everything for granted. Heaven love him, he’s got an opinion and doesn’t mind saying so. Rock on, Derek, and congratulations, four stars!

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Vandalism Of Words - Book Review

Reviewed by Joe Young
This is a review of Vandalism of Words (Kindle)
Goodreads Reader

Derek Haines has a definite twisted view of the world. I happen to like his views as he expresses them in this collection of what I imagine to be past blog posts. The life he describes seems idyllic and his approach to writing makes it seem like an ideal pursuit. I find it easy to embrace his views of political leaders and others in authority. I think I understand his anger with all things colonial and expect his taste for beer, great coffee and delightful food made with local fresh produce may stem from his Australian exposure.

I can only lament that he found a wage earning wife to support him, share in his eccentricities and supply him with a Swiss citizenship while I must still struggle through life. Pick up this book and treat yourself to the humorous ramblings and pointed examinations of mostly everything he chooses to expose himself to. I found myself smiling and nodding while I was reading and largely jealous of his ability to make such a rewarding "Big" life for himself and his readers. I'm amazed he can think these "Deep" thoughts and not completely distract himself from his writing.

I highly recommend this read.

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Louis - Book Review

Review by Priyam
Louis (Paperback)

“The thing that strikes you about this book is that from the first page you get the idea how much the author researched for this. The amount of labour that must have gone into it must have been staggering. When they say books are things that help you see places you haven't really visited, I'm sure they are talking about a book like this. It is written in a very personal way which makes it very engaging. Another thing about the writing here is that even though the words don't really describe *everything*, you understand it because I guess that's how the author wanted it to be. Sometimes, things hidden are the things you notice first. In the end when you close the book, you remember that the author mentions in the beginning that it took him 40 years to write the book. Then you say to yourself that 40 years to polish a story like that was worth it. I loved it! :)”

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Loss, Limbo, Life and Love - Book Review

Loss, Limbo, Life and Love (Paperback)
Reviewed by Priyam

DO NOT read this book without a handkerchief *sniff*

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Dead Men - Book Review

Thought provoking
Review by By Tracytid
Review of Dead Men (Kindle)

Dead Men tells the story of three men, each from different backgrounds, who are thrown together when each of them experiences a relationship breakdown. We follow them as they deal with the aftermath of adultery and divorce which in turn leads to them losing their homes, their jobs, contact with their children and which for one of the men, ends with a prison term.

I didn't expect to like this book and at times it's not an easy read. We see the men turn bitter as they feel society turn against them but I think it's a testament to the quality of Derek Haines's writing that I ended up caring about the characters, each of whom were pretty disagreeable at times. This book challenges the idea of the neanderthal Aussie bloke as each of the men are forced, by their circumstances, to confront their feelings, maybe for the first time in their lives. We see their struggle to reconcile their inner Alpha Male with the kind of behaviour that modern society expects from them. As a woman I found it offered a different perspective on the breakdown of the modern family. It's a book that certainly makes you think.

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February The Fifth - Book Review

Review by Nettie Thomson
Review of February The Fifth

I don’t like Terry Pratchett. There, I’ve said it. I find his books unfunny, smart-arsed and contrived. Reading one of his books is like being poked in the ribs by a five year old wanting to point out to you how clever he is. I know I am in the minority: the man sells books by the millions and the Sky TV adaptations of his work are heralded before the event and repeated ad infinitum afterwards. But his type of writing just isn’t for me which is why I began reading February The Fifth by Derek Haines with more than a little trepidation.

February The Fifth is about a young man, February Gregorian, who is the third in line to the throne of Gloth, an empire somewhere (and sometime) in the universe. When his father and two elder brothers are reported dead in mysterious circumstances, Feb has to grow up and shape up quickly as the future of Gloth and Gregorian rule is in his – so far – incapable hands.

Tradition has it that each member of the Gregorian Royal family takes the name of a month of the year, from the Gregorian calendar. At this point in the book I was almost going to stop reading and give it up as yet another contrived fantasy story.
And I would have been wrong. Very, very wrong.

While I still say that this genre of book isn’t really my favourite, Derek’s attention to plotting and characterisation soon had me hooked and I truly wanted to know what happened to Feb and his sisters, April, May & June. The friends that Feb made along the way were fun characters, even if the names like String and Snurd did irritate me. I liked Derek’s ideas about the ships Feb et al used to get around their universe and for long stretches it read like a comedy Sci Fi story – and a very good one at that.

If I were to give it a star rating, I’d find it really quite difficult. The genre makes me want to say 2* but the story itself probably deserves 4*.

On the whole I’d say I’d heartily recommend February The Fifth if you enjoy Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams.

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Dead Men - Book Review

The Hell of Divorce
Reviewed by Mary Crocco
This a review of Dead Men (Kindle)

This is a story about the hell of divorce from the point of view of three men. They are angry, bitter, depressed, and lonely. They have lost their jobs, homes, and their children. Any money they eventually earn goes to child-support. They feel the Family Court favors women and they try to beat the system. These men did not exactly grow up in nurturing homes, which definitely adds to their outlooks on life.

Within a few months, divorce turned three men into confused and bored women haters. David and Tony’s wives discarded them, both had cheated on them. Steve felt his wife measured him by his salary, which he increased with petty criminal activities.

David, an innovative salesman; Tony, a hard working owner of a transport company; and Steve, a well-qualified and dependable accountant, are reduced to feeling useless and worthless to their families and society in general. They end up twisting their skills using illegal activities.

The story begins in their birth city of Perth, Australia. The men move to Sydney, Australia where they all meet by chance, calling themselves The Three Musketeers. This is where the story develops. The reader experiences the trials and tribulations these men experience during and after their divorces. We listen to the ramblings of broken men who can’t be seen as weak. They don’t know how to talk about their emotions and/or feelings in a healthy way. We watch how they do handle life, which isn’t very pretty.

Readers will have different opinions regarding how the story ends for Tony and Steve. David’s ending, where he meets his match, will have readers hoping for the best for him.

The book is dark as the story is rough. Derek Haines strength is developing his characters, and he does an extraordinary job describing three distasteful men who deal with their circumstances in the only way they knew how. While doing so, he does offer his readers a different perspective in the difficult matter of the hell of divorce.

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February The Fifth - Book Review

'February The Fifth': Doug Adams Meets Dan Brown -- Sorta
Review by Debbi Mack
This review is for: February The Fifth (Kindle)


A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away ... no, that's a whole 'nuther movie. This book takes place in the future. In a place that has no less than 12 sun systems. Twelve, as in the number of months in the calendar. Aha! The rulers of this empire comprised of the 12 sun systems are a Gregorian clan with names taken from said same calendar. Got that? :)

In other words, February the Fifth is a person. In fact, February is the person who ends up becoming successor as the new "Supreme Potentate," aka, leader of the empire after his father dies (or is he killed?) even though he is an ill-prepared, acne-plagued and fairly lazy, well, fool. The news of his dad's and brothers' deaths are delivered by a dour messenger with the most peculiar name of Snurd Humped. (More on him later.)

So, anyway, February goes to his lovely sisters -- April, May and June (what else?) -- for assistance. Lord knows, he can use it. Despite all indications to the contrary, Feb (for short) manages to rise to the occasion and take the oath properly. Through contact with a special orb, Feb is infused with leadership qualities. Hello? Things have changed.

Then things get really interesting when someone tries to, um, terminate Feb with extreme prejudice. (Yeah, another movie. I know, I know ...)

In fact, Feb and the sisters have to take it on the run. They bring along a couple of allies, including a fellow named Stringley, who's handy at tea making and backgammon, and the aforesaid dour messenger Snurd, whose lost his taste for his former bureaucratic post, I suppose.

Now ... what follows gets REALLY exciting. Big spaceships piloted by lizardlike creatures. But nice ones! Explosions as they're attacked. By their own people! Good grief! Running and hiding. Trips to strange new planets. Historical recountings. Understanding the family's roots.

To say too much here would reveal spoilers. Let's just say that the Catholic Church and the planet Earth are both key to the plot. Thus, Douglas Adams meets Dan Brown ... sorta. Except without albinos, the Louvre or the number 42. So, it's different. Really.

Derek Haines manages to deftly skewer political maneuvering and/or family dysfunction/backstabbing, while telling an exciting story about a hapless underachiever who's forced to suddenly grow up and take responsibility (aka, a coming-of-age story) by dealing with an insurrection.

Okay, so ... a few peccadilloes. Do I wish some double skips had been inserted between a few scenes, here and there? Sure. Could a few words have been sacrificed to editing? Sure. Did I read the book, anyway? Yes, absolutely! Why? Because I really loved it. The story grabbed me right away. It's a lighthearted, funny read with a serious point. A great combination.

And I laughed out loud many a time. But I'm a kid at heart, so I do that sort of thing.

Er, is it really a spoiler to say it ends well? I don't think so. To be more accurate, I'd say it pretty much does.

February The Fifth - Book Review

Review By Eric
Goodreads Reader

This review is for: February The Fifth (Kindle)

I wanted to do this without making comparisons to other books, I really did, but when it comes right down to it, my first impression of Derek Haines' new book February the Fifth is the one that stuck with me. February the Fifth is like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy meets Sir Apropos of Nothing, which is to say, my kind of twisted.

You have the young fool who has no business being a success at anything, yet ends up being very important to the future of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth. You also have the Supreme Potentate more-or-less stealing a ship in order to find the truth on a distant and wholly unremarkable planet. And, just to make things interesting, several puns revolving around the Gregorian calendar. If you're anything like me, this all adds up to a fun and humorous story, perfect for making people question your sanity while you're giggling over it on the bus.

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February The Fifth - Book Review

Something unique
Reviewed by Vivo

This review is for: February The Fifth (Paperback)

This is the third book I have read by Derek Haines, and clearly he is working on developing a unique style. His ability to convey the depth of this witty and intricate story in a very easy, and unadorned style, makes February the Fifth a most enjoyable read. I recognised this when I read Milo Moon, but in this book I think he has really found his mark.

Endearing you to his characters without long passages of description keeps the story moving at a pace. He seems to have a particular liking for his character Snurd Humped though, as he gets more attention than most characters in descriptive passages.

I don't think it is a sci-fi story at all. The author simply used it as a pretext for telling a wonderful story about Feb, the main character. He used fantasy settings to invent wonderful names for his characters and to convey his very personal views on the world. Sometimes, he even becomes a gastronomic critic of the unreal!

Derek Haines plays with some crazy ideas in his head and lets his vivid imagination go wild.

Very enjoyable!

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February The Fifth - Book Review

When in Rom...
Review by Bitsy Bling "Bitsy Bling Books" 

This review is from: February The Fifth (Paperback)

What happens when a privileged son too low in the royal family line to be important but nonetheless still a royal, finds himself thrust towards responsibility? He goes on an galactic journey to discover where he comes from, who he is, and what he must do to become the man to lead. You ask how does an acne-faced, body odor plagued, lazy-eyed kid manage this enormous task?

With the help of lizard pilots, three wise sisters, and a few other misfits tossed in for good measure. Feb, as he is called by his friends, travels the galaxy to find his way back to the beginning, literally, his family's beginning. Along the way there is lots of eating and time for three-handed Canasta with a small side of romance, but only for his sisters. Feb's got bigger things to worry about like governmental over-throws and civil unrest. This comedic sci-fi tale touches on themes of power, origins, privilege, morality and even cleverly makes use of historical details (a bonus in my department). It plays with language which establishes a unique tone and style. Moments remind me of what it might be like if Dr. Seuss wrote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I mean this as a compliment (in case you were wondering). It's simplicity makes it complex. For example, the bluest of the blue and the blackest of the black. There are times when writers try too hard to describe something: a color, the weather or a feeling. Sometimes, it is just blue, deep blue, royal blue or the bluest of the blues. I laughed, had fun, remembered all the characters because of their crazy names and even thought about how the author invented them -- most importantly, I think I learned something!

And by the way, if you ever find yourself visiting Erde, I recommend the salmon and when in Rom, well, eat the pasta!

Milo Moon - Book Review

An enjoyable read 
Review by jenku 

This review is for: Milo Moon (Paperback)

Not usually in the genre I use to read, this book was a pleasant surprise. The story starts a little science-fictionish, but soon develops into a political thriller that kept me hooked all the way through. It is well written in an easily flowing prose with lots of enjoyable dialogue. 
An extra plus for naming someone Carruthers in an espionage context.

Louis -Book Review

An enjoyable read
Reviewed by jenku
This review is from: Louis (Paperback)

"Louis" is the fascinating story about a man who had little choices in his life, yet lived a life many a young boy dreams of living. Raised from early childhood to become a spy, he is sent to places like Egypt, Switzerland, Palestine and South Africa. Still, his life is a lonely one, without the company of a woman or family. Whether it is all true or not doesn't really matter, it's a fascinating tale to read and Derek Haines' easy style of storytelling makes it a enjoyable read throughout.

Dead Men - Book Review

A thought provoking read
Reviewed by Irish Eyes
This review is from: Nobody's Fault (Paperback) (Reissued as Dead Men)

This is a tale of three men all dealing with relationship breakdowns which in itself makes it very different. As a woman I found it fascinating to see things from the other side of the story and Haines gets across, in very raw, real, terms the anguish a man goes through when he has to relinquish his children. This is a book that you won't put down and forget but will mull over for sometime afterwards.....

Loss, Limbo, Life and Love - Book Review

I don't read poetry
Reviewed by Vivo
This review is from: Loss, Limbo, Life and Love: A Poetic Journal (Paperback)

I don't normally read poetry, but this book was just so very different. It is a story, but mixed up in time so I had to piece together the story of the year for myself. The author exposes himself and it is so clear what his emotions were at the time of writing each poem.

Once I had finished I understood the pain, suffering, recovery and re-birth that the writer experienced over this one year. It is rare to find such raw feelings in poetry. Nothing is hidden, but it is a bit of puzzle to solve when trying to identify the characters that reappear regularly, and where they fit. Wives, girlfriends, lovers and friends seem to pop up from time to time and then disappear. Only to reappear later in a different mood.

One thing is for sure, it hides nothing and made me think about how I would react in similar circumstances.

Well worth a read, even is poetry is not your normal cup of tea.